he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
