he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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