I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
