I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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