beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
