walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
