Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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