i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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