Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
