i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
