I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
