Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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