i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
