Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I will pee on everything he values.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
