Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
