i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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