Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
