My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have peed in a lot of sinks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
