so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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