If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do vagina's smell?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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