Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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