My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
