Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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