i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
