Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
