i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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