wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
