I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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