I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
