whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
