So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
