dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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