This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The uberlube is also flammable
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
