Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
