Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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