ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
