The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
