theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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