I am midnight drunk by noon
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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