This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
