I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
