we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
