I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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