I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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