I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
