i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
