I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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