Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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