Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
tequila makes me forget i have legs
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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