he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
