youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it was like eating out sand paper
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
